HE MIGHT HAVE AIDS! DONT TRUST HIM!

My mom asked about my new “relationship” on FACEBOOK… again! She has a few issues with it…

fart talks with the rents

mom: kevin we need bowls and spoons for the table

dad: no, we need tortillas that aren’t burned

mom: no, we need the farts to be only in the bathroom

dad: no, i’m saving those for when we go to bed and i trap you under the covers.

Remove that pic!

[Feb 5, 2010 1:24 am]
mom: How long are you going to keep that pic up I don’t need anything else in my mind to interrupt my sleep. Night.
me: for ever. good night

[Feb 5, 2010 9:23 pm]
me: better?
mom: yup…..
mom: happy shabat
me: you too
mom: remove that pic. i like other much better.
me: no
me: you dont even have a picture
mom: ya already know what I look like plus I only talk to you.
me: i want soup. do you like yogurt?

[Feb 7, 2010 4:46 pm]
mom: don’t wait to late though if you see a good deal seal it. What about cheapflights.com?
me: thats what i used
mom: ok good. I think they sent me some email on cheap flights. Leah does not like the pic she stated it is scary. She wants to know why you look like that and then left the room.
me: too bad
me: shell get over it
mom: no she wont. That pic really does you no justice. you look much bettr than that.

—

These are convos I had with my mother over skype. She doesn’t like my profile picture (a blue Avatar version of me) and INSISTS that I get a new one. She had to bring the 6 year old sister into it…

poop you out

Love, Sister

This is an e-mail from my 6 year old sister (my mom typed for her). :D

ohhhh yes

The Wise Mother

Isso foi enviado pela minha mãe, em 2007, quando a MINHA menstruação atrasou 3 meses, e ELA achou que EU estivesse grávida”

////

“Dear Daughter,

Don’t panic!

But i think you are pregnant Look, one super important thing that shouldn’t be forgotten is the first pill in the pack. If you forgot the first pill and had had intercourse in the last 7 days, you might get pregnant.

Your medicine does not let you ovulate. It supplies the hormones, understand? Immediately stopping you from ovulating, sometimes in the same day. It should be one month. Sara also didn’t have any symptoms.

In your case, you didn’t forget, you stopped taking the pill. The sperm waited a few days, you ovulated because of hormone deprivation, and from there - baby on board.

The medicine suppresses the hormones and ovulation isn’t possible. Keep track, if you didn’t ovulate 7 days before you had relations, then you have no where to go: you are pregnant.

Kiss, don’t panic.

Mom”

This was sent by my mom in 2007 when my period was 3 months late, and SHE thought that I was pregnant.